Drawing On the Past

I cannot deny that I have found my time with Estragon, at his beach side cabin, a creatively stimulating place to be. I have enjoyed sitting with him, chatting under the awning, and I have basked in being able to trot down the path that leads down to the sea. It feels a bit like I am on the set of Death in Paradise. Estragon’s cabin is situated well away from day trippers, and is the kind of place celebrities, seeking quiet and peace, pay a fortune for at places like Byron Bay in NSW, Australia.

As we sat drinking champagne under the awning, I could literally feel myself shedding a snake skin of stress that I had been carrying. I was fascinated to hear more about Estragon’s work as a Cyber Security Manager for a well known film company. Perhaps it was the salt air but I was intrigued as he described the Pirates of Cyber Space who download and distribute copyrighted content. I could almost imagine them sailing into our quiet bay to pilfer our solitude.

“It so happens”, I said “that I found a mini Pirate Spread on the internet. How about you pour me another champagne and I will sling some cards for you”.

Estragon, who was now totally over my weirdness, agreed that this could be fun, especially because he planned to hang out here for awhile. It is no secret that he isn’t sure what he is supposed to do when he isn’t surfing or wandering the beach looking for treasure.

After ceremoniously waving my very magic raven wand, I shuffled the Gypsy Tarot Deck many times, impressing Estragon with my ability to riffle shuffle. Then I laid the cards out on the table.

Our eyes widened as we took in the cards that had emerged.

What Adventure Calls?

We simultaneously focused on the reddened sky in the background of the 7 of Pentacles and considered how this might be a sign to use the experience from his past to inform a new project and a micro adventure. We chuckled about the Pirates of the Caribbean and I snorted and suggested that since he had first hand experience and such good contacts in the film industry, he might write a script that featured some pirates of the seven cyber seas. Estragon gave me one of those WTF looks and I knew that he thought this might be a possibility.

Where must I travel?

It was pretty evident to both of us that the only travel Estragon planned to do was in his mind. As he took in the 2 of Swords he remarked that beyond that castle lay possibility. He reflected that he had been locked within a castle and that tackling a script would be one way of breaking out. As he was talking I thought of Stephen King who literally locked himself in the laundry and worked at a makeshift deck sandwiched between the washing machine and the dryer. It was in this laundry that he created Carrie, his first major hit novel. Estragon and I agreed that he did not need a fancy spot to write, that he had indeed, found a spot many would be envious of.

What buried treasure awaits? What am I going to do?

It was not lost on either of us that here, in this remote setting, Estragon could go within and pull out secrets, draw on the knowledge he has about those who ruthlessly pirate copyrighted materials. “I am going to do it” he said as we poured more champagne.

 

Estragon Restores His Equilibrium

Finding inner peace in the modern world is a significant challenge.
Few things are more disconcerting than living a life you weren’t meant to live.

When I met up with Estragon he said he had been couch surfing with a friend at the beach and admitted that he had been partying, drinking rather heavily and did not seem to be able to get even the most basic planning done.

I didn’t need a crystal ball to know that he had lost confidence again and as a result of the dramatic change in life, was actually freaking out. I figured that if he was going to make a fist of the creative quest he had embarked on, we needed to spend some serious time working to adjust his perspective.

I suggested we try out the ‘finding inner peace spread’ I’d found online. Like so many men I have worked with he looked decidedly skeptical about what Tarot cards would have to say. I smiled sweetly and suggested that he “amuse me and that we might actually be surprised by what the cards revealed”. I refrained from saying that the cards rarely lie simply because I didn’t want to overplay my hand.

Decide for yourself and live the life you were meant to live.

As I laid down the cards Estragon’s whole demeanour changed. I realised that he had actually been concerned about what would emerge from the Gypsy Palace deck. I reassured him that these cards were not going to predict his future but they might help us dialogue and untangle his ‘block’, help him get over the ‘anxiety attack’ which was crippling him.

What will stop me worrying about the things I have no control over?

As we examined the Ten of Pentacles and examined Nora’s little rough guide I reminded Estragon that he had not left his life because he had failed. Quite the contrary! He had finished a significant project that had demanded lots of skills and that he should not only be feeling satisfied with his achievements, but confident that he has the skills to tackle something else. Estragon brightened and agreed that he really could take what he had learned to another level, and hat he could focus on what he had some control over.

What will help me relax?

As I looked at the charismatic Queen of Wands I refrained from suggesting that he had actually been relaxing quite a bit and decided that it would help if I reminded him that he was very creative, radiated a lot of energy and loved a challenge. I am not sure if he was smiling at what other delights the bare chested Queen had to offer. Whatever! He was certainly relaxing!

What will help me declutter my mind?

Some folk might not think that the Seven of Pentacles would help anyone declutter their mind but Estragon was very responsive to the imagery and agreed that he had been over thinking things and had cluttered his mind with too many options. He remembered how bad he had been feeling, the pressure he had been under and said that he really did not want to spend his life on a career that is impressive to others. He added that he had no interest in chasing after a fancy house and could decide what was really important to him. Couch surfing by night and surfing by day was helping him declutter his mind. He had enjoyed the companionship and he had felt good about exercising regularly.

Well I admit I was not totally surprised to hear that, like Vlad, what Estragon really needed was to fill the bank of energy again. I do know what it is like to be burned out and to be running on empty so I wasn’t about to criticise him or suggest that he might not want to be a beach bum at 60. Far better to let him have a break – a well earned sabbatical.

What will help me accept what is in the present moment? How can I practice patience?
What will help me practice mindfulness?

Accepting the present moment, being patient and practicing mindfulness no longer seemed to be an issue! We fell about laughing and agreed that a few nights sleeping on the sand, under the moon, listening to the waves crashing on the shore would do it for him. The very thought that it was okay to relax at the beach for awhile, knowing that there was a place waiting in the world for him to fill was all he had needed.

I left him, surf board in hand, running off to catch another wave.

 

Within Just 24 Hours

Any of us who have decided to embark on the Fool’s Journey know all too well that it never goes quite as smoothly as we imagine. Estragon was puffed up with confidence and I knew, in my waters, that this euphoria about leaving his life as an IT nerd might not last for long.

Just 24 hours after talking to him he had hit the wall and taken a knock. It seems that there are plenty of others with his IT skills and it is not going to be quite so easy to pick up casual work to support his dream of being an artisan. Clearly he is going to have to adapt his thinking and accept that he doesn’t actually know everything, that he has much to learn, that everyone is not going to welcome a stranger with open arms.

Given that I profess to be an artistic midwife, with years of experience handling creative blocks, I decided I needed to act. I quietly took a deck of cards out of my creative medicine bag and suggested that we draw a card and see if that card would shed some light on the situation, and hopefully, provide an encouraging message. Before shuffling we agreed that whatever card came out, we would accept that this was the message we needed to hear.

The Chariot is such a wonderful card and Estragon was happy that it had appeared. The Chariot  is the perfect card in a situation like this because, it reminds us that life is a journey and that as we journey through life, life invariably confronts us with a mixture of experiences – not all good. Everyone has to learn to manage their energy and how best to express their power. Vlad stiffened when I asked him to consider which of his powers needed to be balanced and where he would like the Chariot to take him.

After a few moments he put his head in his hands and acknowledged that he really didn’t know.

“Well now we have something to work with” I told him and, quite suddenly he brightened.

On the other hand Vlad, who has been spending quiet time recuperating after leaving her high flying, demanding job, has been infused with inspiration and has already met up with some likeminded folk who are actively encouraging her to realise her dream.

It will be interesting to see how this goes for her, especially given the environment she has come from.

Checking In With E and V

Estragon and Vlad haven’t gone anywhere yet so I thought I would check in to see what they are thinking at this stage. Estragon is extremely confident that he is making independent choices and is quite focused, intent on achieving his goal. Not surprisingly he is unable to give me any details about just what that goal is. So while he has given up on Godot he is clearly still waiting for some light to be switched on by some unknown force.

Vlad on the other hand has decided to rest and withdraw for awhile. She is determined to go but tells me that she is waiting for the right moment. She still needs to clear her thoughts. Given that she has burned both ends of the candle in her work as a Corporate Lawyer I cannot say I am surprised and I am encouraging her to take her own sweet time. “There are no creative journey police that I know of” I told her.

“Well that is comforting” she replied. “Will make a nice change after the scrutiny I was subjected to in my working world!”

All I said was that I ‘heard her’ and did understand.

Narrating Two Creative Journeys

One day you finally knew
What you had to do, and began,
Though the voices around you
Kept shouting

Their bad advice‚
Though the whole house
Began to tremble
And you felt the old tug
At your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
Mary Oliver The Journey

Over a cup of Tiny Tea I met with Vlad and Estragon and agreed that I would try to be an objective observer and help preserve their journey.

As we sat sipping our tea, laced with something strong enough to get them talking, I enquired about what was driving them, why they were prepared to throw in their seemingly successful lives to wander for an indefinite period.

Estragon quite confidently declared that his inner Emperor felt stable enough to help him reach his latent artistic goals and announced that he would be the first to present something tangible, something that would revolutionise thinking at this time. On the other hand Vlad shared that she was well aware of karma and she believed that in order to achieve her dream she needed to give something up. She has decided to walk away from her highly paid, high flying position as a Corporate Lawyer.

I simply listened, smiled and made supportive, encouraging noises. This is going to be VERY interesting!

Given Up Waiting for Godot

Waiting for Godot is a play by Samuel Beckett in which two characters, Vladimir (Didi) and Estragon (Gogo), engage in a variety of discussions and encounters while awaiting Godot, who never arrives.

Two Fools, Estragon from the Gypsy Palace Tarot and Vlad from the Sakki Sakki Tarot have decided to give up sitting around Waiting for Godot to shed some light on what they are supposed to be doing at this point in their lives. Inspired by Mary Oliver’s The Journey,  they have both decided to head off on a creative journey. I am following them, writing up brief biography fragments for them. I will be posting what I glean from these travellers but you can also follow the permanent links on this page to track their progress and see what they end up doing.