The Lovers

Traditionally the Lovers card is said to represent relationships and choices. Many believe that its appearance in a spread indicates some decision about an existing relationship, a temptation of the heart, or a choice of potential partners. Often it is suggested that an aspect of the querent’s life will have to be sacrificed; a bachelor(ette)’s lifestyle may be sacrificed and a relationship gained (or vice versa), or one potential partner may be chosen while another is turned down. Whatever the choice, it should not be made lightly, as the ramifications will be lasting.

Love, unity, partnership, communication, choices – these are all aspects of The Lovers tarot card. After learning the lessons of the Hierophant around traditions, values, and beliefs, it is time for you to make up your own mind. But is this really possible in the height of passion?

In spite of the sexual nature of the imagery in the Lovers card in the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight, one must not assume that the question is necessarily one of love or marriage. It may be connected with any aspect of our lives. Many Lovers cards place emphasis on the difficulty of making the correct decision. In the Rider Waite deck, for example, Cupid’s arrow points menacingly, like a bolt from the heavens ready to fall on anybody who makes the wrong step.  The compulsive choice of Paris is just one example of things going badly because of unwise choices in matters relating to the heart.

Personally, perhaps because of my age and life experience, when the Lovers card appears in a daily draw or a spread I don’t find myself thinking about having to make a choice about a romantic love interest. Rather, perhaps typically of a gracefully ageing Crone, I prefer to adopt Mary White’s position. Creator of the Mary-el Tarot, Mary White writes that  the Lovers card is “all about wedding opposites. Men and women, energies, ideas, parts of self” To me it is all about making the choice to love aspects of myself.

The 2 of Cups
It is true love when we embrace all parts of ourselves and can genuinely say we are a good friend to divergent parts of ourselves.

To be honest, if the Lovers card does happen to emerge I invariably find myself seeking out all those cards that literally scream, remind me of the need to love oneself, of the need to be a good friend to myself, to be prudent about the choices I make because the ramifications of any such choices will be long lasting.

Self-love defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage” has both been conceptualised as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, synonymous with amour propre, conceit, conceitedness, egotism. For many people, the concept of self-love might conjure images of tree-hugging hippies or cheesy self-help books. But, as many psychology studies attest, self-love and -compassion are key for mental health and well-being, keeping depression and anxiety at bay.

The simple truth is that you cannot take care of others until you take care of yourself first. When you fully love yourself, this gives you the opportunity to move through the world with deeper compassion for others.

The Lovers know that love is more than feelings for each other. What makes it go? Together they create an entirely new world, one that they fear may disappear like a dream. LWB Tarot of the Sweet Twilight

When I look around and find that the Fool is in a loving embrace with a Sweet Twilight maiden I cannot say I am surprised. He is young and sexually active. Seeing them here in this idyllic position feels a bit like watching one of those erotic scenes in a television series and I feel the need to wander off and leave them to it. I cannot deny that I am skeptical about his choice, how long this passion will last and if what they are experiencing is love.  

My mind drifts and I contemplate the benefits of arranged marriages. Arranged marriages were considered the standard way to organize a relationship for families until deep into the 18th century. These arrangements were usually created by a couple’s parents or grandparents to create a mutually beneficial coupling so that both families could maintain or improve their status in society. 

However, the Fool is unlikely to appreciate me dispensing advice about his love life and would be quick to point out that I chose my husband.  Anyway! There are advantages and disadvantages associated with such arrangements so, I decide that I will find a good bar, have some dinner and a stiff drink and reflect upon why I am reacting like this, why pulling the Lovers card draws such strong reactions from me. 

Lovers Card: Traditionally All About Making Choices

Making good decisions requires us to balance the seemingly antithetical forces of emotion and rationality. We must be able to predict the future, accurately perceive the present situation, have insight into the minds of others and deal with uncertainty.
Source: New Scientist